


Midnight Ruminations

by TariSilmarwen



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Introspection, Season/Series 03, Sharing a Bed, because you all know they were sleeping together behind the scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 05:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21192173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TariSilmarwen/pseuds/TariSilmarwen
Summary: Insomnia choosing for some annoying reason to steal her sleep, Mai finds herself lying awake one night, thinking about Azula, her parents, and the sleeping Fire Nation prince next to her.





	Midnight Ruminations

**Author's Note:**

> This is very old and very clunky and I apologize.

She didn't quite know why she had awoken from her hereto-for pleasant night's sleep in the dead of night but she quickly decided that staring blankly up at the pitch black ceiling above her and musing on various complexities including what her family might be doing at this moment and whether or not it would be wise to try avoiding Azula for a few days to be alone with her boyfriend _definitely_ wasn't helping her get back to sleep.

Mai sighed and leaned her head further into her pillows. She hadn't had insomnia like this since, well… since that long lonely stretch after Zuko had been banished.

She really didn't want to be reminiscing about that period of her life, but she found her mind kept drifting back to it every time she tried to remember something else, something happier.

That had not been a good time for her, taking its toll on more than just her sleeping habits. It was insufferable, _unbearable_, that she had to stand idly by while the one thing she cared about of her own free will, probably in the whole world, was sent away. _Taken_ away. Dishonored and tossed aside like garbage. Beneath her quiet, well-behaved and unemotional protective shield, a devastated young woman was enraged. She wanted to wail and scream and cry out to the skies at the injustice, wanted to barge into Ozai's throne room and let him have it, let him know exactly how much of a horrible, sick,_ twisted_ and unfatherly bastard he was.

But she couldn't. She was small… and thirteen… and powerless… a timid little girl with no voice… and she had to keep quiet. For her mother's sake and the sake of her father's career.

Odd as it was, she didn't blame her parents for any of it. They'd just been doing what they'd already been doing for a long time; staying aloof and busy, rewarding her good behavior by showering her with gifts, dressing her up in pretty little robes, fixing her hair… She could still remember how the brush felt tugging at her long raven locks, the pull of the ribbons as her mother tied them up, reminding her to sit still, cooing in her ear about how pretty she looked, how she was such a good girl…

No… she didn't hate her parents. Misguided as they were, she knew, they did truly care about her.

But that day, that horrible day, just for a little while, for a brief moment in her grief… she hated the Fire Nation, indeed, the whole world, for taking Zuko away from her.

She'd grown out of that, eventually, though she still harbored a lingering bitterness, and a _deep_ resentment and loathing towards Ozai. Firelord though he may be, there was some part of her, underneath that passive exterior that feigned loyalty and kept her head down, that would never forgive the ruler of her country for his senseless and cruel act upon his own son. A son whom she loved.

Mai looked down at the sleeping body slumped awkwardly over hers, fingering the scar across the eyebrow line. The skin had healed from the last time she'd seen him. (Agni, how many bad memories thinking about _that_ dredged up.) It was still red, though, and delicate, almost feathery to the touch. Her fingertips brushed over his cheek as she traced the line of his jaw. It was an ugly mark, to be sure… but she neither acknowledged it, nor cared about it. In her eyes, her beloved crown prince was perfect, would always be perfect.

Except maybe for the whining. That was a trait he'd picked up in his absence that she could quite do without. Still if he _wanted _to spend hours on end staring off into space and brooding she'd let him—as long as she could be there with him, cheering him up (or attempting to), keeping him company, letting him know someone cared. Most likely smacking some sense into him when it got to be too much. Honestly, sometimes she wondered how General Iroh had put up with it for so long.

Zuko twitched a little at her touch and there was a slight hitch in his soft snoring. Mai allowed herself a smile and brushed a few strands of hair away from his face. She took a moment to gaze at him, memorizing his perfect-to-her features, the contours of his nose and chin, the messy mop of hair spilling over his forehead. She touched his closed eyelids, feeling the tickle of his lashes against her fingers. He always looked so peaceful when he was asleep, less troubled… like there were still some vestiges of innocence clinging to him. Slumbering like this, his head and torso resting on her, limbs splayed haphazardly, absolutely still and serene, she could almost pretend the past three years hadn't happened. She could forget for a moment all the things life had put them through. The world outside their dark bedroom could fade away. His chest rose and fell evenly. The breath from his nose blew softly on her stomach.

…and he was drooling on her.

Well, no wonder she'd woken up.

Mai rolled her eyes and sighed again long-sufferingly, before gently lifting up her boyfriend's head and extracting herself from underneath him. Her bare feet set down on the cool tile and she rose from the bed, grabbing a thin blanket and wrapping it around her shoulders. Stepping across the bedroom and the hallway to the washroom, she tried not to grimace too much at the way the wet front of her thin silky nightdress stuck to her. She picked up the silver pitcher and poured a layer of water into the basin on the counter. Setting the pitcher down and laying aside the blanket, she took a moment to look at herself in the mirror.

She frowned. Her hair was a mess. She raked her fingers through it a few times, taming the black cascades back into relative submission. (Mai was very picky about her appearance and hygiene, a trait she'd picked up from being treated like a living doll for so long.) Once her hair was straight again, she dropped her hands and pulled off her nightdress in one neat motion, then gently laid the garment in the basin, soaked side down. The cool water seeped through the thin fabric easily. Mai nudged the garment through the water absent-mindedly, her mind drifting elsewhere.

Azula had interrupted her date for a private "talk" with Zuko again. Mai had confronted her about it earlier and the Fire Nation princess had deflected the answer with her usual nonchalance.

_"Oh, Mai."_ she'd chided. _"I was just checking up on him. He's been so down lately about betraying uncle. I'm just trying to look out for him, make sure his 'conjugal visits' to uncle aren't taken the wrong way, that's all. Really, you worry too much."_

Mai didn't buy it for a minute. If there was one thing she knew, it was that Azula never _just _had anyone else's best interests in mind. There was always something else, something sinister, lurking beneath the surface of her seemingly sincere good intentions. And while she didn't mind so much when Azula did it to their enemies as part of some elaborate takeover plan, or to her and Ty Lee (though she was always aware of it when it was happening—Mai was a lot of things but gullible was not one of them), she _definitely_ took issues with Azula doing it to Zuko. Not having much that she cared about made her that much more protective of the things she did, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that Azula was playing mind games again.

Azula had always liked to play mind games with her brother. And Mai resented it. She knew they didn't help her boyfriend one bit. She knew they made him even more upset. And she hated seeing Zuko upset, especially now. He'd just been welcomed home after three long years of wandering spirits knew where. He'd just regained his honor and rightful place as prince of the Fire Nation. Couldn't Azula give him a break for once? Mai knew it wasn't her place to question the princess but honestly? She was beginning to bristle under Azula's devious and calculating iron command. And she was getting really tired of going along with the girl's elaborate schemes. It wasn't her thing, wasn't fun anymore, and in regards to her boyfriend it was, quite frankly, pissing her off.

With some effort Mai drew her thoughts back to the present. Glancing down into the basin she decided she'd probably gotten all the drool off her nightdress now. She lifted the garment from the basin and wrung the water out. When it finally stopped dripping she turned to the side and shook it out. The damp silk made a wet _flap!_ sound and tiny droplets spritzed into the air. Mai turned the nightdress the right way and slipped it back on over her head. Her skin prickled with goosebumps as the wet fabric clung to her body like a cool second skin. She shivered and reached for her blanket as soon as she'd pulled her hair out from the back. Feeling slightly better once the thicker, warmer material was wrapped around her, she stepped back into the hallway and made her return to their room.

All she really wanted right now was a nice long, un-Azula-interrupted stretch of time to be alone with Zuko. Even if he _was_ passed out and slobbering over her.

Zuko stirred as she climbed back into the bed, raising his head off the sheets and blinking groggily.

"Is it still nighttime?" he asked.

"I'd say it's around early morning," Mai told him, reaching down for the covers, which had gotten twisted and were now close to falling off the end of the bed. She pulled them up over her stomach and his lower back. Zuko murmured in appreciation and cuddled closer, draping an arm over her waist.

"Your feet are cold," he observed.

"I was washing slobber off the front of my nightdress."

It took a minute or two for him to process that.

"Oh," he said. "Sorry," he muttered into her side.

She mussed his hair affectionately and gave a wry smile. Leaning back against the pillow she looked up at the ceiling, deciding to go ahead and breach one of the current pressing subjects.

"I was thinking," she told him, "maybe tomorrow we should go up to the Hongse cliffs, take a long walk, just the two of us, no servants."

"Sounds nice," he agreed, softer now.

Mai continued, still gazing up at the ceiling with its ornate carvings, playing with her boyfriend's hair. "I think I can get Ty Lee to cover for us, so maybe this round we'll avoid another untimely interruption."

No reply.

"Zuko?" she called.

No answer.

Mai stopped playing with his hair and looked down at him in concern.

He had fallen asleep again.

She laughed a little, the sound soft and foreign in the darkness and settled down into the bed, curling up next to him, his warmth burning all the bad memories and present worries away.

Within minutes, her midnight ruminations had ended and she was sound asleep against Zuko's side.


End file.
